"This will be the hardest thing you ever do. Good luck."

Today has been a day unlike any I've ever experienced. I work up at 6AM in order to prepare for the day and I'm only now settling in back at the hotel and able to gather my thoughts. Today was my all day (8AM-5PM) orientation for mortuary college. If I'm able to complete this blog series with a photo of me in a cap and gown and not back in waitressing attire I will be one happy camper!

I woke up feeling ok, but as the time drew closer to my dad dropping me off at the campus, I started to panic. This is really my new school, in a new city, in the other half of the state. In the best way that my dad can show affection, he held out his hand for a high five. Anyone who knows him knows that this high five was equivalent to a warm and loving good luck hug. As I walked away from the car and started up the stairs the panic truly set in. With each step I thought, "I could turn around right now. No one knows me, they'll never know. Dad hasn't left the parking lot yet. I can totally back out while I'm ahead." Now anyone who knows me knows how many opportunities I've missed in the past due to my anxiety. I try not to beat myself up too much about the past, but I do sometimes wonder what opportunities and memories I've let slip through my fingers. With those memories of past failures propelling me, I made it up the stairs to the health science department and through the door.

What ensued was eight straight hours of pure information. How to dress (or more like how not to dress), how to speak, how to study, how to network, etc. Not only did I learn that I had dressed completely inappropriate (leggings and sandals), but that I would have to get used to a strict dress code for the next year and a half. Knee length skirts, hosiery, full suits, no visible tattoos or piercings, and closed toe shoes. As the instructor/dean of the program stated, "It only takes one time in the prep room with a body purging on your feet and it running between your toes for you to remember the closed toe policy." I personally don't think I'll need that reminder. It was explained that conservative clothing and attitude is due to many reasons, but mostly out of respect for the families. Although I had experienced it first hand, it was still interesting to hear that 80% of your time is spent with the living and only 20% with the dead. It makes sense that will those numbers you know which group out of the two you're aiming to impress.

Past the basics, the instructors got into the nitty gritty of what we really needed to be prepared for. "You are a tight, unique group of people. Look around. This is your new extended and dysfunctional family. Say goodbye to your old life, your old friends and your relationship. This is now your life." This was my first, but not my last, instance of wanting to cry today. Thankfully the instructors brought in the second and third semester students who acted as mentors for us today. The support was overwhelming. I couldn't have gotten that many numbers and emails without trying even if I was Brad Pitt! It was such a change from my past experience in college. Both experiences will have required a TON of work and dedication, but I don't remember a time in my life that I felt more lonely than at UC Berkeley. This will be the opposite, and for that I am so thankful.

                     (The heads for the restorative art course that I'll be taking. These were some of the best examples)

Between campus tours, buying my books (EXPENSIVE!) and eating cookies, I met some wonderful people. One of which is (hard to believe) just as obsessed with her kitties as I am! Because of our student discount, we already have a carpool trip planned with another cohort student to San Diego for the cremation operator certification course. Very excited!

                                                 (My books for this summer semester plus tons of online reading)

So, many more subjects were covered and even more homework was assigned that my head is still spinning. I'll spare you all the details, but even with all the support, the shear volume of work and percentage of drop outs and fails left me feeling scared, incompetent and overwhelmed. As the long day came to an end, I said goodbye to the new friends I made and I deliriously made my way to the parking lot to wait for my dad. I decided I needed to call my mentor for support. She was my inspiration to apply to Cypress since she graduated from there in the early 90's. She is the most amazing funeral director I have ever met and I aspire to be half as talented and knowledgeable as she is. Unimaginable circumstances brought her to the decision to become a funeral director, and if she was able to emotionally handle extreme grief and go through this program at the young age of 18, I sure as hell can give it a shot at 25 with a ton of support. As one mentor stated, "This will be the hardest thing you ever do. Good luck." I've got a million hands, and many paws (both kitty and doggy) holding me up, so I'm hoping no luck is needed.

Until next time, keep staying alive : )